As the holiday season approaches, the world seems focused on family gatherings, festivities, and love, making it easy to feel alone. For some people, the emphasis on happy family gatherings can stir up feelings of isolation and inadequacy. Amidst the joyful celebrations, the holiday spirit can ironically increase a sense of absence and longing for connection.
For many people, loneliness rather than celebration is their experience. Sometimes, people may have lost loved ones or family connections, so they can feel profound grief at these times and feel their aloneness more deeply. It’s easy for those with little or no personal connections to feel lonely in the hustle and bustle of the Christmas crowds, and sad at family festivities; or the lack of them.
For those of you who dread the coming holiday season (knowing that it will likely bring you more pain than joy and evoke hurtful memories and distressing absences), be assured that it is possible to plan for this difficult season and any low mood or depression that accompanies it.
Rather than let these dark times creep up on you and merely endure them, consider doing something different and making some changes when difficult times like the Christmas season arrive. Preparing ahead of time rather than waiting in dread for this time to arrive nips the harsh feelings of loss and loneliness in the bud before they take hold of you. This applies not just to Christmas but to all difficult anniversaries, when emotional pain overwhelms us.
Here are some suggestions to prepare ahead for those difficult feelings of loss and loneliness:
Do something different
Can you change what you do, who you usually spend time with, or your surroundings? Traditions can be broken. Just because you have always celebrated the holidays in a certain way, doesn’t mean that it must continue. Perhaps it’s time to break some old patterns.
Find some supportive company
Share how you feel with family and friends rather than keeping your feelings bottled up inside and don’t be ashamed to ask for support. If you’re alone and would like to be with other people, but don’t know where to start looking to find some company, check out https://www.facebook.com/TheMindCafeCommunity. This group hold an orphan’s Christmas Event that is listed on their Facebook page. News.com.au also have ideas for where to head to at Christmas if you find yourself alone: https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/christmas/where-to-go-when-youre-alone-for-christmas/news-story/7ed4f26a1beb5ef61abfa7e74806a74f
Think outside of yourself
Often, when we’re feeling lonely and isolated at Christmas and the holiday season, it’s because we’re deeply involved in our sad thoughts, feeling lonely and taking a somewhat unhelpful stroll down memory lane. If you don’t have any plans, consider volunteering. Most organisations have filled their volunteer positions early in November, so perhaps consider visiting an aged care facility and bringing a few gifts or inviting someone over for lunch. By thinking outside of yourself, you will be kept busy and uplifted by helping others.
Get out in nature
Take a picnic lunch and go for a walk. Take in the scenery and observe things you haven’t noticed before. The Spit to Manly Walk is a beautiful walk, as is the Taronga Park Wharf to Balmoral Beach Walk. Take a walk in the magnificent Botanical Gardens or walk from Bondi to Coogee and take in the beautiful scenery of our glorious Sydney Beaches.
These suggestions, although helpful, won’t release you entirely from feeling your sadness and losses, but they may help. For some people, the overwhelming feelings of sadness and loneliness of the holiday season are not always fleeting, and as the years pass, they may find that it becomes increasingly difficult to bring themselves out of their annual melancholy. For some of us, feeling lonely may bring up thoughts that we may be perceived by others as being flawed or unlovable. If we are alone; we may even have come to harbour this belief ourselves, which can make it even harder to bear. https://sydneyhillscounselling.com.au/blog/being-alone-vs-being-lonely/
If you have felt terrible for many years, consider implementing different plans this Christmas. Don’t wait for the sadness and loneliness to envelope you; start planning now because, by the time Christmas draws nearer, you may find that it’s too late to break out of your despondent mood. Consider planning ahead for difficult times and fill the void so that sadness doesn’t engulf you. This year, take control of your experience of the holiday season by making some positive plans and see if you can reignite a little flame of hope into those dark days.
I would like to take this opportunity to wish all my clients and readers a very Happy Christmas or Holiday Season, and a Happy New Year. Sydney Hills Counselling will be closed from Monday, December 23 and will reopen on January 6. If you (or someone you know) are experiencing loneliness and have thoughts of self-harm, please call Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14 for support. You can also contact Sydney Hills Counselling via email during the Christmas and New Year break at [email protected].
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