Sometimes, life can throw us some fairly significant curveballs, and curveballs can pack a punch. At times it can seem that nothing we do seems to go our way and that whatever we try, we seem to mess it up. Curveballs are often thrown in sports, and likewise, they can be often thrown at us in life. Sometimes, we see them coming, and at other times they seem to come out of nowhere, knocking us to the ground. When this happens, we can become discouraged, angry, anxious, or depressed and uncertain of what we should do next. It can feel as if the only option is to just slam the reset button on all of our progress so far because nothing we’ve accomplished before this seems to count for much at all.
Maybe, you’ve fallen back into old, unhealthy habits or negative thinking patterns. Perhaps the depression you’ve been struggling with has kept you in a dark place all week. You may believe that you’re right back at square one and that there’s nothing you can do about it.
At times we can all fall victim to feeling this way. We can feel that if our plans didn’t work out the way we wanted them to, we either weren’t doing it right or we are just a failure. We may have found ourselves living in a black-and-white existence where there wasn’t room for progress, only ‘perfection’.
Everyone struggles and experiences failure from time to time, from the invincible, high-flying executive to the barista at our local cafe. We should accept that we will all encounter at least a few curveballs in our lifetime and that they are simply an inevitable part of life; the difference lies in how we approach them.
In dealing with our failures, it’s important to note that when we encounter a period of failure or difficulty in our lives, the best way forward is to aim for slow and steady progress, moving one step at a time every day.
When you’ve experienced a significant setback in life, go easy on yourself. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’ve experienced something very challenging that you weren’t expecting to happen and that perhaps you didn’t make the best decision at the time. Beating yourself up so badly that you can’t seem to get back up again isn’t the answer. Showing yourself some compassion, understanding that you’re human and dusting yourself off and continuing on your path really is the best way forward.
Even if that relentless inner critic of yours is in full swing, screaming at you that you’ve failed, refuse to let it decimate you.
In her book, ‘Emotional Agility’, Dr Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, explores how to navigate life’s unexpected twists and turns, dealing with those unpredictable curveballs using self-acceptance, adopting a different way of looking at what’s happened, and having an open mind. Here’s a Ted Talk in which she speaks of Emotional Agility:
Susan David’s concepts to achieve Emotional Agility are:
Showing Up: Don’t ignore difficult thoughts and emotions. Face your thoughts and emotions head-on. You can do this by telling yourself, “I’m having the thought that I am …. (thought) and ‘I’m noticing that I am feeling…. (emotion).
Stepping Out (of your thoughts and emotions): Detaching from and simply observing your thoughts and emotions helps to see them for what they are – just thoughts and emotions. Learning to see ourselves as a game of chess, filled with many possibilities, rather than just focusing on one piece on the board, limited to certain moves. Research on emotional suppression shows that when our thoughts are pushed aside or ignored, they just get stronger; the same goes for our emotions.
Living According to Your Values: Our core values provide us with a compass that keeps us moving in the right direction. Living our lives guided by our core values will keep us on the path of having the determination, willpower, resilience, and effectiveness enabling us to catch and deal with unexpected curveballs that hurtle towards us. A few questions to ask ourselves when making important decisions is “What action will bring me towards my values?” and “What action will take me away from my values?”
For more information on living according to your values read this blog post: https://sydneyhillscounselling.com.au/blog/the-importance-of-values-why-they-are-important-and-how-to-identify-them/https://sydneyhillscounselling.com.au/blog/the-importance-of-values-why-they-are-important-and-how-to-identify-them/ or see this video by Russ Harris https://youtu.be/T-lRbuy4XtA?si=PjB_7DQoSzwMkol5
Moving On: Making small tweaks to how we think, how we motivate ourselves and creating new, sustainable habits, can make a positive difference to our lives. A few tips to do this are:
Accept where you are at this point in time. You don’t necessarily have to start all over again; you just need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward from where you are right now.
Explore the ‘stories’ you’ve created about your life: the ‘shoulds, ‘can’t’,
‘must’s’ and ‘have to’s’ that your mindset has created. Then determine whether they have helped or hindered your life thus far.
Commit to take action on where you want to be in a month, a year etc. that’s in alignment with your values and goals.
If you or someone you know has encountered a setback and are struggling to move on, you are not alone. Sharing your feelings and talking things through is one of the best ways to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.
Sydney Hills Counselling offers affordable, professional counselling with a nationally registered counsellor who can support your journey and help you gain perspective. Although we have temporarily halted face-to-face counselling appointments, Sydney Hills Counselling is offering Telehealth sessions via Zoom, telephone counselling, and email counselling. Please contact us today to see how we can help you. Due to a recent increase in inquiries, contacting us via email at [email protected] rather than calling us, will ensure a more immediate response to your inquiry. You can also leave a voice message on (02) 9159-6277.
#emotionalagility #resilience #emotionalwellbeing #recovery #selfawareness #mentalwellbeing #selfcompassion #mindfulness #selfcare #mentalagility
Copyright © 2024 by Sydney Hills Counselling
