How simple mottos can help us to lead better lives..
As a Counsellor, I believe in the power of a good motto. My primary role is to guide and help my clients navigate through some very challenging circumstances, and this often involves assisting them to make some significant changes, which ultimately guides them towards living considerably improved and happier lives.
There’s great power in sharing a good motto. Mottos are usually brief statements that are used to convey an idea, goal or principle. Because they’re sufficiently short and simple, a motto can be helpful when it comes to remembering what’s important; almost instantaneously. That’s why schools, universities, addiction recovery groups and major organisations all have mottos.
Over time and through my experience of working with a diverse range of clients and students in counselling, fitness and education, I have often found mottos very useful to highlight important points or ideas. I will often use mottos with clients to highlight some issues that I feel may be holding them back or perhaps to illustrate certain character strengths which they may wish to consider working towards developing. Sometimes, I will use mottos to remind clients of their values. A motto uses a few words to express and remind us of how to live a good life and become the person we’d like to be. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/changepower/201508/9-reasons-you-need-a-personal-motto
Here are some of my favourite mottos:
Aim for progress; not perfection.
A common motto that was bandied about when I was younger was, “Practice makes Perfect”. This motto is fundamentally flawed, because nobody is perfect, and nobody will ever ‘get it’ perfect. It’s far more helpful to monitor and measure ourselves by whether we’re growing in the right direction, rather than whether or not we’ve accomplished the sometimes unattainable. I always suggest to clients that it’s better to take ‘baby steps’ towards achieving growth and change, rather than trying too hard, and ultimately failing.
Put your own oxygen mask on first.
This is one of my favourite mottos which I use in many of my counselling sessions; it’s the best one I believe, to model to others regarding how important it is to take care of ourselves.
We all know that when we fly on an aeroplane, we’re instructed by the flight attendants, that in case of an emergency the oxygen masks will drop from above us and to make sure we place it on ourselves before helping others. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you why; however, it’s a good analogy to use with clients who tend to take care of everyone else and then neglect their own wellbeing and needs. Self-care is of utmost importance in our lives, and by taking care of our own needs, we will be better equipped to support and meet the needs of our significant others.
Begin with the end in mind.
Many years ago, I read and became engrossed in Steven Covey’s book, ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’. I was particularly interested in Habit 2; ‘Begin with the End in Mind’.
As a counsellor who regularly works with the Solution-Focused Brief Therapy model, I regularly use the ‘Miracle Question’ with my clients. I may for example say, “Joe, if I see you in the street in a year from now and ask you how things are going and you tell me, “Things have really turned around for me thanks; life’s so much better”, what changes would you have needed to make in your life to say that to me?
This sets the stage for Joe and I working with ‘the end in mind’. We work backwards from that visualised place where things have turned around for him; where ‘life’s much better’, and then work backwards from there to set some goals and then implement the changes he’ll need to make to achieve that reality.
One day at a time
This motto originated from the 12-step recovery movement for Alcohol, Drug and Gambling addictions, however it’s something we can all find exceptionally useful to apply when we’re going through difficult times in our lives. ‘One day at a time’, helps us to bring ourselves back to the present moment. Life’s harsher lessons teach us that we can’t predict tomorrow, we can’t change the past, and that wasting our energy on dwelling on these things just keeps us from enjoying the present moment. If we focus on breaking down our daily lives into small, manageable chunks, it makes our uncertain future appear less overwhelming and it works to keep us calm in the present moment. When life throws us a curveball this motto can be especially helpful /https://sydneyhillscounselling.com.au/blog/what-to-do-when-life-throws-you-a-curveball/
Tomorrow is Another Day / This too will pass
Clients usually present to me in crisis; more commonly, personal, relationship, parenting and financial. My aim is to always make sure my clients leave in a more positive state than when they walked through the door. Reminding them that tomorrow is another day, is somehow a way of reassuring them that as time passes, situations change, and what often feels like a massive burden today, will slowly start to clear or rectify as time passes. We don’t have to live in the past. We can choose to start each day by forgetting the negative things that happened yesterday. Whatever setbacks have happened, or whatever mistakes we’ve made, we get the next day, the next week and the rest of our lives for that matter, to deal with them and we can then reset our focus to continue to become a better version of ourselves.
We repeat what we don’t repair.
Sometimes life guides us towards learning that we have certain patterns in our behaviour and relationships which repeat themselves over and over. Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, calls this repetition ‘compulsion’. When we feel driven to repeat the mistakes from our past with the expectancy that this time ‘it will be different’, this is known as compulsion. However, the expectation that things will be different ‘next time’ unless we have made the necessary changes, is rarely the case. When we recognise that a pattern is occurring over and over, it’s best to pause and analyse what it is that we are doing, to make this happen. Perhaps we have a pattern of choosing partners we’re not really in love with because we’re terrified of being hurt. Maybe our fear of being alone is driving us to be in a relationship with the first person who seems interested ‘enough’ in us. Many times, opening our eyes to why certain patterns present themselves in our lives can be extremely confronting and often it’s something that happens later, rather than sooner. It can hurt us to think that we’ve wasted our time, and in some cases a huge chunk of our lives repeating erroneous and / or damaging patterns, however as the old saying goes; ‘better late, than never’. Making the necessary changes to break our negative patterns takes time. We will need a good dose of courage to get results, so it’s best to be patient with ourselves while we do the work that’s needed, to reap the rewards of our efforts.
Love yourself first
There are many reasons why we should love ourselves first but perhaps the most important reason is that by doing so, we are placing a high value on our own happiness and wellbeing. Research has shown that those who practice self-love, experience greater life satisfaction, are more optimistic, are generally happier and appear to be more resilient. Those of us who love ourselves first, are less likely to develop mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.
Trauma, abandonment and neglect in childhood can cause some people to feel that they are unworthy of love. Counselling can help these people by providing a safe, welcoming space where they feel genuinely cared for and accepted, without any conditions or judgement. This allows healing to occur and allows self-love to grow and flourish.
Life’s 3 C’s: Choice, Chance, Change
If we want to change our life’s circumstances, the process we need to adopt is this: We must first make the choice, to take the chance or opportunity, if we want anything in our lives to change. This little motto really needs no further explanation.
Sometimes, adopting a motto to help you work your way through difficult times may not be enough. If you are experiencing a challenge that seems overwhelming, Sydney Hills Counselling can provide you with tools, strategies, and support to navigate your way from overwhelm to success. Please contact us today to see how we can help you. Contacting us via email at [email protected] rather than calling us, will ensure a more immediate response to your inquiry as we may be in session at the time of your call. You can also leave a voice message on (02) 9159-6277.
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