As a counsellor, I know how vitally important healthy friendships are to our overall well-being. A life without friendship can feel empty and meaningless if we don’t have at least one or two supportive friends in our lives to share our journey with. Friendships are vital to our sense of community and belonging in the world, and the types of friendships we have can vary. We may have friends we do activities with but with whom we don’t share a deep connection, yet with others, we may really connect and share a special bond. Then, of course, there are those friends who knew us in our earlier years with whom we share a lifelong connection.
We must also be cautious about who we regard as our friends. These days the word ‘friend’ tends to be bandied about somewhat casually. Although some people may say they have a lot of friends, some of their ‘friends’ may be people who they connected with on social media, but whom they have never actually met face to face. Friendships are in fact like flowers, they take time, effort and nurturing for them to thrive and flourish.
In our childhood, many of us formed early friendships with our classmates at school. This was relatively easy for most of us, as we had the opportunity to grow these friendships over days, weeks, and years. However, it seems that building friendships as an adult can be more challenging. So why is this? It mainly comes down to time. During our 30’s and 40’s, many of us focus on our careers and families and often prioritise success and the hard work it takes to be successful over friendship. Life can also be exceedingly busy when we’re juggling parenthood, time with our partner, and household responsibilities. Sometimes, it feels too much of an indulgence to take time out for ourselves to simply get together with our friends, or perhaps we’re just too tired to make the effort. Current research in the areas of neuroscience and mental health is revealing that prioritising our healthy friendships, even if it’s just getting together every few weeks, is one of the most important things we can invest our time and energy into.
Friendship thrives on sharing similar values. These values influence how you greet each other, value each other’s time,https://sydneyhillscounselling.com.au/blog/the-importance-of-values-why-they-are-important-and-how-to-identify-them/ hold them (and yourself) accountable, and reciprocate in maintaining your friendship connection.
In the following video, Jordan Peterson author of ‘!2 Rules For Life’, speaks about how important good friends are, how to choose a good one and how to avoid others who might not be good for you.
So why are healthy friendships so important? Disconnection from others can take its toll on us mentally and emotionally, and it has also been shown to have a significantly negative impact on our physical health. Studies in biology and neuroscience have shown that healthy friendships are a critical component of not just our overall life satisfaction and feeling happier, but also impacts the functioning of our physical bodies. People who reported having strong, healthy friendships were shown to have increased immunity to disease and are often less prone to chronic stressors which can negatively affect their health and well-being. Friendship is a space where we can trust the other person enough to be ourselves and where the other person can also feel safe to be themselves with us.
When we have strong friendships, it can have the same impact on our health as eating healthily and exercising. When we build friendships, we’re preventing future health problems even when we’re just hanging out and just enjoying each other’s company. On the other hand, having a friendship with a selfish individual or someone whose own issues are preventing them from being a good friend to you, may act as a warning to set some healthy boundaries with that person, or sadly, even letting the friendship go if that doesn’t work.
There are many benefits to friendships. Some of these are:
They increase our sense of belonging or purpose
Research has shown that they can boost our happiness
They reduce our stress levels
They help us cope better with life’s ups and downs and more serious challenges such as divorce, the loss of a job or the death of a loved one.
They may help to improve our perceptions of ourselves and others
So how can we make friends? Here are some suggestions:
Reconnect with old friends:
Before rushing out and forming new friendships, try reconnecting with friends in your past whose company you once enjoyed. It may be a long shot, but if you got on well in the past, you may still get on very well now. Sometimes, all it takes is one phone call or message to reignite a past friendship.
Say ‘Yes’ to invites to events where you may meet new people:
Attend a networking event, an alumni event, and a school reunion. These are all events where you can potentially meet new people.
Join an interest group:
Join a weekly Zumba or gym class, sign up for a course at a local community college, a bushwalking or cycling group, a Bunnings DIY class, there are many options if you just take your time to look for them.
Volunteer:
Put yourself in an environment where you will be involved with other volunteers and receive an added bonus of feeling good for giving back to your community.
The above suggestions are just a few of many when it comes to creative ideas for meeting and making new friends. Sometimes however, there may be some subconscious resistance that can impede our efforts of making and maintaining friendships. If you are struggling to make friendships as an adult, there may be some barriers and deeper issues that may be causing this. If you are feeling as if friendships may be something you are having difficulty establishing or maintaining, speaking to a registered, professional counsellor may help. For further information, or to schedule a counselling session contact us today on (02) 9159-6277 for a confidential chat or alternatively, you can email us at [email protected].
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